Are Those Bubbles On Your Shorts Or Are You Just Happy To Be Running?

There I was, in the Bahamas in the hotel's gym enjoying an egg-cellent run on the treadmill. I had been running for 36 minutes and planned to run for another 15 when I began noticing some fellow guests and staff members looking at me. Rather than looking at me in a noticeably positive or negative way, the oglers seemed more confused than anything else. I figured they were trying to figure out how such a small man cold generate so much power in his legs and have the endurance I was then currently displaying. Chalking up their stares to looks of envy, I continued running undeterred. Five minutes later, however, just as the stares were becoming too odd to ignore, I began feeling an odd-textured substance dripping down my leg. Being used to my massive sweating that, like clock work, begins pouring down my body 20 minutes into a run, I knew that it was not sweat running down my leg but a foreign substance. When finally my curiosity overwhelmed my discipline, I looked down to find soap suds cascading down my thigh as though I had just gotten out of a bubble bath without drying off first. Before I knew it, I too had become an ogler, only instead of ogling someone else, I was ogling myself! Terrified that I had caught some new exotic disease that causes bubbles to leak from your open pores, I immediately shut down the treadmill and booked to the locker room to wash myself off (though the bubble bath probably had already done that). When I got out of the shower, I saw that my shorts continued to ooze the evil bubbles and realized that they too had caught the disease!! I had to find my dopeness wife CVSW who, as a hypochondriac, would definitely know what ailment was afflicting me and my shorts!

When I found CVSW, I immediately began crying like a little baby about how I had been infected with some sort of disease that makes me into a human bubble bath. I told her how this virus was one of those super-smart ones that could infect humans and inanimate objects (like my shorts) alike and began asking if she knew of any potions that could cure us or at least lessen the outward manifestations of the infection. After yelling at me for interrupting her daily watching of up to eight hours of reality programming, CVSW informed me that, earlier in the day, she had put all my dirty running clothes in the bath and tried to wash them with the soap products in our hotel room (she opted for this action instead of paying the hotel's exorbitant fees). She then had hung them to dry and I must have come along and grabbed a pair that hadn't yet fully dried. Upon my sweat making contact with the shorts, the water must have mixed with the soap still in the shorts and must have produced the killer bubbles on my legs and in my shorts. The explanation was that simple. It was not a virus at all but rather the generous efforts of my betrothed gone awry. CVSW then gave me a little pinch on my rump, told me how unusually clean I smelled (from all them bubbles no doubt) and then went back to watching her television programming.

The next day in the gym, the staff almost looked upset when no bubbles starting forming on my shorts or falling down my legs. I had learned my lesson once and was not about to repeat my mistake a second time.

Anyways, I think this comic episode points to another difficulty running creates for the travelling runner. Unless one is inclined to go bankrupt paying hotel laundry fees, washing your clothes in the bathroom tub is the only convenient and fairly effective way at neutralizing the stench emanating from just-run in clothes. At the end of the day, this isn't the biggest problem in the world and, once you are aware of it, you can almost have fun with it and confuse/scare hotel gyms' staffs all around the world. Instead of you being the butt of the joke, use your knowledge to your advantage and make them the rub!