Dear Santa.....Don't Bother!!

Mr. Petes
HTTP://www.RunnersWrite.com
Interweb, USA 00000

Nicholas Claus
Merry Christmas Avenue
North Pole, Earth 11111

Dear Mr. Claus:

I have made mention before of the myriad "Top 10 Gifts For Runners" lists one can find on the interweb. While I can't be sure of it, I am fairly confident that you have received many requests for the exact gifts that are continually showing up on many of these lists. Well, Mr. Claus, in an effort to help ease all your work and in an acknowledgment of the recession that many Wall Street analysts are PREDICTING (ya' think!!), I wanted to let you know of 3 gifts that I strongly discourage you from distributing. As a seasoned and experienced runner, I find it amusing that some websites really think these items not only aid a runner but that a seasoned runner would even want them in the first place.

* The Garmin Forerunner 305 watch (or any Garmin product for that matter): I know I have written before on the joys of the Nike+ running watch but Mr. Claus, I don't think I would be singing such high praises if the Nike+ equipment added significant weight or encumbrances to my runs. You see, Santa, while the Garmin watches look fantastic at first, with the GPS and heart rate monitor features of particular coolness and not included in the Nike+ capabilities, when you open the box and see that you need to wear a heart monitor belt around your chest and an ankle monitor that is the size of my small but formidable fist, the watches begin to instantly lose their appeal. I am surprised Garmin doesn't dupe unwitting consumers into buying their watches by showing that you can watch a DVD on the screen and forget to mention that the DVD capability is only possible if you strap a DVD player onto your stomach.

* Any one of those belts that can hold anywhere from 1-5 water bottles: It is my firm belief, Mr. Claus, that if a runner receives one of these belts as a gift and loves it, he or she is simply not a real runner. As with the Garmin watches, who would want to use any running product that adds any significant weight to the amount you already must push forward? Not I, Santa, not I!! Also, I have never found myself in the midst of a run (even a Marathon) where I was so starved of water or hydration that I would need the instant access to liquids that these stupid belts provide.

* Membership to a gym: I once wrote that the only way a person will start running (or any exercise) and continue with it, is if that person is actually motivated to do it. Well, Mr. Claus, heed that advice before spending in excess of $800 for a gym membership for somebody who has no interest in actually going to a gym (unless they have a restaurant in it)! Instead of a gym membership, I would suggest simply getting this person some running shoes and shorts in order to first determine whether or not this person has the necessary motivation to want to run.

Mr. Claus, I hope this letter finds you well (and warm) and that it may help you in determining what you need to put in that sleigh of yours. As you make your list and check it twice, should you find any of the above items on said list, I would like to amend what I want for Christmas and simply ask for you to give Dancer and Prancer a day off!

Regarding You At the Start Line,
Mr. Petes